Confessions of a Wild Child (Lucky: The early years) by Jackie Collins

jackieThis is one of the top 5 worst written books I’ve ever read (others include James Patterson’s You’ve Been Warned and a picture book about someone called Sissy Buttons (I hated it right from the title) .)

I think this is the first Jackie Collins book I’ve ever read, though I’ve never had anything against her. My friend, ML, says she loved to read trashy Jackie Collins books when she was in high school. This new book is a prequel to all the books about one of her most popular characters-Lucky Santangelo.  I had to ask ML what Lucky does in those books because I was curious how she turned out. When I said I had started reading this the first thing ML asked was, “is she giving lots of blow jobs?” to which I replied, “why yes! She’s just learned how to do so.”  I was actually looking forward to reading this, assuming it would be fast and fluffy and sort of trashy. Plus Lucky goes to a boarding school. Unfortunately, although those things were true, they were way overshadowed by the godawful writing. Seriously, if Jackie is still writing these herself she is an absolutely terrible writer.

Lucky is a self-professed wild child. At 15 she is desperate for her father’s approval, but he barely pays attention to her. Gino is a big Mafia caricature, complete with every piece of his dialogue having dropped g’s. At boarding school Lucky learns how to enjoy sex and power over boys by doing “almost”-the word she uses to describe doing everything but actual intercourse (she is determined to stay a virgin and not get pregnant.) I suppose if you’ve read the other Lucky Santangelo books you know what happens to her, but it was all a surprise to me.  I just couldn’t get over how a)poorly written it was and b)how there was not a single likable or appealing character in it.  It’s definitely a fast read-so many things are repeated, including all of Lucky’s dramatic statements to herself about how she’s going to win Daddy’s approval and be a success, and much of it practically reads like an outline.  The sentence that is sticking with me as the worst went something like this “we didn’t do it, but I knew how to keep him satisfied…if you know what I mean.” Oh yes, Jackie, we all know what you mean. (and, for a book that revolves an awful lot around sex, it was incredibly unexplicit and chastely written.)

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